Posts Tagged ‘ Writing ’

Blog: My Coping Mechanisms

I posted a new poem last week called “Drifting Dreams” and I used a new tag of Coping Mechanism so I decided to discuss my own views on coping mechanisms.

Coping Mechanism – “a sum total of ways in which we deal with minor to major stress and trauma” (wisegeek.com).

Apparently coping mechanisms can be positive or negative and some are unconscious, some are learned. There’s a huge list of different types of coping mechanisms on changingminds.org, far more than I ever thought there would be.

Personally, I have a variety of different coping mechanisms. From crying hysterically for hours on end (okay, only at certain times), to throwing myself into new projects to try and ignore the projects I can’t do. Then there are the holidays I book to try and prove that in some way I am living a productive, valuable life.

To cope, I fall into imaginary worlds where there’s always a happily ever after eventually. In these worlds, I control the fates of everyone involved. I can make their dreams come true, or I can create the worst nightmares they’ve ever seen. I can mould them into whatever I want them to be and make them experience whatever I decide. Sometimes, I can force my own issues onto them – as long as it fits them and the plot – or create a new character specifically for my own issues. Other times it can be beneficial for me to give them far worse problems that I suffer from, because at the end of the day my life isn’t all bad.

These other worlds are either fully my creation or someone else’s where I borrow them for a while and this normally only happens when I find someone, or someones, that I have an affinity for. With these it can be my best coping mechanism to become absorbed in their lives and ignore my own more and more. It’s only ever for a short time. I always come back, but to become lost in a story, another world, another’s mind, whether they are my creations or my take on another’s, is sometimes the perfect remedy. Maybe because deep inside me, there’s a twisted happiness at preventing two imaginary people’s happiness, by creating obstacles that keep them apart until I’m ready to give them that happy ending. If I can’t be happy, why should they? That bitterness is always going to be better directed at an imaginary couple in a fictional world, rather than hating those around me who have what I desire. Or perhaps it is all because for those moments when I am in someone else’s mind, I am not in my own and the haunting, taunting thoughts are covered over.

Other times, to directly deal with whatever is causing me stress or trauma, I write poetry. In thought out lines, working out rhyme schemes, or simple splurging all of the words out, I feel a tiny bit better. I’m not sure if it’s the act of getting it out, finding the words to explain what I mean no matter how vague or clear it may be at that point, or the thought that someone out there might understand it all. It might be a friend who can see through the metaphors, deep into the words, or a complete stranger who sees something in those words. Not everyone may even see my words the same as each other, or the same as me, but that doesn’t matter. Even in the ugliest thought, the ugliest topic for a poem, with the right words there can be beauty.

I guess, in depth some of my coping mechanisms are avoidance (becoming consumed with an imaginary world) or perhaps those are fantasy, some are compensation (booking holidays and other time-consuming projects) and there’s definitely some substitution going on in my life.

With all that said, I have an imaginary world to get back to!

~PersephoneM

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Post Birthday Blog

Hey people, it was my birthday yesterday and I had such an amazing weekend! Friday, I was taken to see the final Harry Potter film in 3D and digital! Followed by a lovely dinner at TGI Fridays, chosen because I love their cocktails! Then on Saturday, I was treated to a day at a local-ish gym. Apparently it was so that I could use the sauna, steam room, Jacuzzi and swimming pool, but I saw the gym part and was like “I’ve never been on a running machine!” Luckily the friend my Husband had arranged to take me is a regular gym go-er, so hopefully didn’t mind spending an hour in total on the running machine and exercise bike.

I usually hate all types of running, but I did 15 minutes solid jogging and absolutely loved it! And the fact that it was followed by a definite solid hour in a Jacuzzi. So much fun!

After a fantastic Chinese takeaway, I spent Saturday night making cupcakes which I then spend Sunday morning decorating, before having a tea party at my house. Friends and family came, ate sandwiches and cupcakes, and drank tea. I loved it and it wasn’t just because of the presents I received – which included a gorgeous Minnie Mouse T-shirt, fantastic scrapbook, yummy bottle of Ameretto and Harry Potter Cluedo!

Monday was a generic day where my Husband started his new job so I thought I would cook him a nice dinner, waiting for the big day. Tuesday! Slightly marred by my Husband’s playstation dying the night before (even worse as now all I want to do is play Singstar), and by his new job, after being cruelly made redundant, means he doesn’t get home until 6pm now. So it was without him that I opened my remaining presents (Zumba for the Wii) and did my cake (with full 29 candles, despite my mum’s protests). Sob! Once he was home, I abandoned him babysitting, whilst my mum and I went out for dinner – it’s not just my birthday you know, it was also her giving-birth-day! Which is why I presented her with flowers on Monday. Sadly, we went to a re-vamped Flaming Grill Pub. They brought our steaks to us before our glasses of coke, cooked my mum’s incorrectly and had no salad. That’s no salad whatsoever because “the order was wrong”. Okay, you do realised there are shops that sell salad? No, really, lettuce, tomatoes and cucumbers. Honest.

That was then my birthday over for another year, but at least there’s still lots of birthday cake left!

Hmm, cake and Singstar!

Oh, on a writing note – I have been working on a new project based on step-mothers and should be able to start the third of five sections of it tomorrow! I may attempt to work on some fanfiction tonight (after I try out Zumba) as it has been a loooong time!

Thank you to all my lovely birthday presents and messages,

~PersephoneM x

Unproductive Day… Sort of

I haven’t done much writing of any sort for a good few weeks, partially because I’ve barely had a free evening to do anything and the days have been to warm for me to want to do anything except sit at my desk. Until yesterday when I wrote a lot of the second part of a new story I randomly found myself writing the other week! The provisional plans are that it will be in five parts and the first is fully outlined.

So, I sat there and wrote however much of the second part before heading home for the day and planning it out a bit more. But then I got stuck!

I woke up this morning (with an awful headache) hating pretty much everything that I wrote yesterday, which has not often happened to me. I’ve read other writers describing how they’ve deleted huge chunks of work, or completely re-written in a second draft, even skipping entire scenes because they’re stuck on them. I don’t work that way. I write what I feel like writing, but if I reach a sticky point, I leave it for a while – perhaps overnight – and return to it later. I don’t skip over it. And I try not to force my way through it, believing that if it’s how a scene is supposed to go – it will. If it’s not working and I can’t get any further, I’ve gone wrong a few lines back and it needs altering. The problem was that I did that with section 2 last night and it still wasn’t working!

I still write fanfiction (although a bit more infrequently these days) and a project I’m working on in one particular fandom has involved me forcing myself to write. Because of what it is, it kind of works – hopefully! But in my original writing, it doesn’t. Perhaps because the characters are so different and in fanfiction, you can rely on what others have created. With my own characters, I know them, but I have to get a reader to get to know them. Fanfiction is easier in that respect because the readers already know the characters. Characterisation can prove more difficult in fanfiction though because in an original piece, characters do what you/they want whereas in fanfiction they shouldn’t ever do what you (the writer) wants. As I was walking to the pub for lunch, however, the problems with the entire section I had written yesterday came to me clearly.

Once I knew where I had gone wrong, I know from what point I need to do a major re-write, which will involve a mass delete or possible second version of it all. Suddenly, my sullen mood has been lifted slightly as I know now what I need to do so the day of writing that was kind of wasted (most of it will be deleted) is now not quite so unproductive as I am able to learn from my mistake. I’m pretty sure that my inability to sleep last night, my headache all morning and my slightly depressive funk have all been caused by writing section 2 wrong. Odd, fascinating, weird and yet marvellous are the words I would use to describe how writing affects me so.

For example, for the past three weeks, I have been incredibly busy most evenings and on the weekends and been unable to do much writing. Okay, no writing aside from the odd poem and blog post. During the past three works, I have been overly tired and emotional. Oh, and I have a new addiction to junk food. Could it all be linked?

Does writing influence my moods? After all, moods can alter someone’s writing ability. Is it possible that if I get back to a structured routine that includes firm plans to write, that I might find myself feeling like normal once more? Although that does run the risk of less poetry.

If only I didn’t have another jam-packed weekend! No more time for writing until Monday now, Sunday at the very earliest!

~PersephoneM

To write or not to write, that is *the* question!

Not that anyone reads this, as far as I’m aware, anyway, but I have a free evening ahead of me whilst the husband’s watching a football match and I opened the story I’m working on, and…. nothing.

Why is it that after two nights of being busy, to the point that last night I was only indoors long enough to eat bananas and custard, I get the perfect opportunity of decent, solid, quality writing time and yet I just don’t have the urge? Maybe it’s because I’ve just eaten and am feeling a little sluggish? Maybe it’s because I received a review for a poem and now want to write poetry? Maybe it’s because I’ve been working on an epic poem and want to work on it? Maybe it’s because the story in question is nearing the end and the happy scenes are all done with?

I don’t know!!!!!

See, the story I’m writing is a simple-ish romance. It came to me one night in the middle of the night as I was suffering from insomnia. I don’t have ideas for original fiction as I tend to spend my life completely immersed in fan-fiction, so I knew I had to start working on it. And I did. I started working on a short story almost two months ago. Thing is, it’s no longer a short story and I have future plans for the main character. I’ve literally only got two, maybe three, scenes left to write and I just can’t bring myself to write it!

Help!

Woo! Good Day.

I’m not sure if I fully intended to try and write a blog everyday, I think I thought I would leave it to if  something warranted it, or if I felt like it, without setting myself goals and forcing something out of me.

My night kinda went to pot when, after some business meetings, I decided to do some gardening! I’m trying to stick to a timetable of writing, to work on different topics on different days. It’s in the futile attempt at keeping things fair, but then I go and use one of my two nights for Project A by gardening to the point that I forget to have dinner! Plus, husband was at work all evening so I really could have got lots of writing done. So, I’m feeling pretty crappy as the work in question normally has new chapters posted on a Monday. I failed! I didn’t post the next chapter, I didn’t work on the next chapter, I haven’t done any writing at all today.

However, I did spend 40 minutes researching one of the chapters and then got a review for a poem already on here, on a site that I forgot I had even joined. It was proper critique like I have only imagined before. Very happy girlie now!

Watching: Wonders of the Universe, the Prof has just been to Karnak temple. Love that place.

Consuming: Some yoghurty-biscuit bars. It’s my dinner!