Woo! Good Day.

I’m not sure if I fully intended to try and write a blog everyday, I think I thought I would leave it to if  something warranted it, or if I felt like it, without setting myself goals and forcing something out of me.

My night kinda went to pot when, after some business meetings, I decided to do some gardening! I’m trying to stick to a timetable of writing, to work on different topics on different days. It’s in the futile attempt at keeping things fair, but then I go and use one of my two nights for Project A by gardening to the point that I forget to have dinner! Plus, husband was at work all evening so I really could have got lots of writing done. So, I’m feeling pretty crappy as the work in question normally has new chapters posted on a Monday. I failed! I didn’t post the next chapter, I didn’t work on the next chapter, I haven’t done any writing at all today.

However, I did spend 40 minutes researching one of the chapters and then got a review for a poem already on here, on a site that I forgot I had even joined. It was proper critique like I have only imagined before. Very happy girlie now!

Watching: Wonders of the Universe, the Prof has just been to Karnak temple. Love that place.

Consuming: Some yoghurty-biscuit bars. It’s my dinner!

My first ever blog!

Oh, isn’t this a scary, new world?

I’m not new to the internet, not by any means. Let’s see I’m… however old, and first joined a search engine/email provider group back when I was still in school. Simple maths makes that 13 years! In that time, I have had a few of my own websites, I have accounts on reviewing websites, I had my own photo site where all my friends could see my drunken pictures (way before social networks) and for the past month or two I have been regularly using numerous sites to post poetry. I have, in all of that time, never had my own blog.

Until now!

Not that I really have anything to say today. It’s been a quiet, average Sunday where I did go to the cinema and watched Paul. It was okay; it did make me laugh and I loved the nerdy stuff. Dude, I so want to go to comic con and a shout out to Collectormania! I was in geek heaven. Now that I’ve revealed my geekish roots, best I go!

Watching: Dancing On Ice Final.

Consuming: Random home made cocktail including Malibu, Bacardi, Peach Schnapps and Vodka.

Maths

2 + 1 = 3
At college, so close
Triangle without one – Nothing

3 + 2 = 5
At uni the distance starts
Pentagon without one – Square

5 – 1 = 4
Uni ends, life begins
Square is even, equal, enough.

PersephoneM

Time

For nineteen years, I watched you living.
For all those years, you were by my side,
Words of encouragement, words of love.
You were always there, you always cared,
You believed in me, you were my world,
You were part of me, you always will.
Despite your lies, despite my mistrust,
I loved you so much, with everything.
Though I was hassle, though I was trouble,
You were always there, you always loved me.

For eighteen months, I watched you dying.
I looked on as you made us all suffer,
World full of pain, world full of misery.
You sent us to Hell, you never brought us back,
You grew weaker, I had to grow stronger,
I never broke down, never shed a tear.
I was strong for others, had to be for you,
I turned to no one, I suffered alone.
Though you caused me pain, though I hated you so,
I still loved you with everything, loved you so much.

For sixty seconds, I watched you die.
I checked for you breathing, felt for a pulse,
I felt you slipping, you waited for me.
I walked into the room, sat beside you,
Somehow you knew, you gave up and left me,
I was clinical, released no emotions.
I felt your body losing its warmth, losing you,
I stayed by your side, willing you back to me.
Though I wished, though I begged, I didn’t cry.
You didn’t return and I still hurt,
I wish you could take away my pain.

This is a poem that I found the other night whilst searching for an old story to continue writing. I decided to share it with others. It has an obvious dedication; to my father – the man who loved me unconditionally and shaped my future, in less than twenty years, for all time. If you have any feedback, please email me, but don’t be harsh!

© PersephoneM

Alone

Please now also see a companion piece to this poem: Alone, Part 2, which is exclusive to this site!

All I have is me in this world,
Living to my views and standards.
On the other hand, there’s him,
New to my beliefs, here to stay,
Everything’s confused. Can I trust?

Alive can be so punishing,
Living in fear, being the one.
Only me existing,
No one else here alive,
Eaten brains are everywhere.

Author/Poet’s note: This was written in early 2008 and it’s all about fear. My normal, rational everyday ones with a final irrational fear.

~PersephoneM

Queries

Do you get many choices in life?
Do you make many decisions?
Do you worry how they will end up?

Can you be happy with regrets?
Can you live without having any?
Can you be all you want forever in time?

Are there many second chances?
Are there ways of making it right?
Are there ways of setting things straight?

How do you know when it is the right time?
How can you trust that he still cares?
How should I proceed? Yes or No?

Should I try for the second chance?
Should I reclaim one of my four?
Should I risk him blanking me?

~PersephoneM

My Greatest Fear

Fear of being alone
Live it every day
Even in a crowd, unknown
All wrapped up inside my head
When bottling the fear
It creeping further in
Quiet is all they hear
Alien in the world
Concern from them, polite
Necessary, not real
At home, embrace so tight
Fear still fills up inside
Can’t open, cannot breathe
Screaming need for much more
Pair, duo, need reprieve
Two as one, more needed
Love is good, not all that counts
Friends, family, all matter
To him, harmony not doubts
Heart loves, but one plus one is all too low
How far can I push and will he go?

~PersephoneM