They Don’t Know – Poem

People grow and all people can change,
That is what I have always believed.
Bitter resentment bubbles up through me,
Still present, not dissipating.
Triplets, trio, as close as can be,
Where did it all go wrong?

Distance and growth inevitable,
Apart not so, soul destroying pain.
I was distracted when I lost her care,
Preoccupation, neglect, abandonment.
Natural order, natural selection,
Was it my fault?

Maybe in part, really not just me,
She neglected me in my Time Of Need.
From sharing all to knowing nothing,
What had she gone through in her life?
Silly bird, the dirty rat took flight,
How did that compare?

Life slipping away, I needed her,
She said she was too young to cope.
Fuck it. Me too. Aged twenty, half an orphan,
My Dad kicked it, she vanished.
The bird-rat flew, I raced over,
Where was she to help me?

With her they all fell under its spell,
Harry’s magic cloak was hiding them.
What did I do to deserve such hatred?
Why did she take them all from me?
Can’t they love me, too? Love us both?
Why her or us? Not just me!

Unwanted by them, thought to move on,
Years later still a whisper in dreams.
Wish I could heal, wish I could forget them,
Replaced with better, I’m loved and happy.
Dancing, listening, better friends than them,
The witches I miss?

They don’t know the truth, maybe hers?
They don’t know how she hurt me.
They don’t know how I needed them all,
They don’t know how they failed me.
They don’t know the pain I went through,
The desire, revenge, pain, solitude – I still have.

© 2007

 

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