CD20 – 6 Days Post IUI

Day 20 and 6 days since the IUI(aka 6dpiui) but I don’t love all the abbreviations on this journey. I’m feeling ok. Haven’t gone crazy in the past week. There’s still time.

I’ve had odd and random stomach twinges, some which feel like the discomfort I had leading up to the ovulation. Which is odd. I also had a day with really bad discharge and I’ve still had weird hot flushes.

I want to say that I’ve been logical and calm; on the surface I have been. But I know that deep down I don’t fully believe myself. This is where I start to think I’m an idiot, that I’m stupid and naive, foolish and just well really the stupidest person on the planet.

Take the past week and how I’ve explained everything away. The heat and pains (more discomfort than actual pain) it’s because of the hormones I was injecting. Even more than those things I now have 3 corpus luteums (after the follicle releases its egg it becomes known as the corpus luteum) releasing progesterone rather than the usual monthly one. And progesterone is what causes the temperature rise post ovulation and through any potential pregnancy.

The weird discharge was because my cervical mucus was pierced and there’s always a risk of infection. Its passed now but clearly my mucus may have been responding.

So I have all the logical reasoning that the IUI hasn’t worked, but no matter how logical, how clever or how rational I can be there’s always something more powerful.

Hope.

No matter what scientific reasons I can reason everything away with, I still have hope.

Stupid, illogical, heartbreaking, pain causing hope.

And I hate it. Because other than the signs mentioned, there’s been no other possible symptoms of a pregnancy, which I keep telling myself is because its too early, but that’s where fear comes into it.

Fear that no matter how logical I can be saying that there’s still time, that it’s too early to know, fear makes me doubt everything.

Fear and hope, I hate them both, two sides of the same coin where only one can win. I have another week of being Schroedinger’s cat.

~ Persephone M

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  1. I love this post, because I am going through exactly this, feeling exactly what you describe and It’s awful. I sympathize, and I hope your IUI works. x

    • Good luck to you too. Glad I’m not crazy in my reactions and feelings!

  1. February 19th, 2013

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