CD14

I am a bit behind. Blame a weird bad back and bout of insomnia but nonetheless I haven’t found this cycle all that difficult. I think I was expecting major hormone imbalances but I’m not even bloated. It’s one of the reasons that I avoid reading things online -I don’t want to hear how it affects everyone slse because either it’ll make me get the same or I’ll panic its not working if I don’t get them.

I’ve read that people cry constantly on clomid. Nope. Or completely break out. Nope. People get pain injecting ovitrelle. Nope. Or pain on ovulation. Not really.

Hubby and I had originally said that we’d do 3 IUIs maximum depending on how it all affects me. Well, we’re both in agreement that, hormonally at least, I’d do this again. We haven’t done the dreaded 2 week wait or dealt with the epic fail if this doesn’t work. That might change everything.

Today should be the start of the 2ww; just over an hour before our day at the hospital starts.

But first perhaps a quick catch up.

Day 9 and another follicular scan where the nurse who had already halved the dose of puregon/FSH, told me to alternate days. So there was no injection. Woo! Although that did then start the worries.

I worried that I could ovulate early (nurse said you can’t because of all the drugs in your system). I worried about any sort of withdrawal (didn’t happen as far as I know). I worried that the FSH would still somehow manage to stimulate the smaller follicles and let the bigger ones falter (according to day 11s scan that didn’t happen).

I mean I didn’t worry too much, just the questions went through my mind. I tried googling it and didn’t find anything that calmed me or made me worry more. Which is always a good thing.

Day 10 I  quickly developed a pain in my lower back that certainly felt muscular but had me ask my GP just to be on the safe side. He said it didn’t sound like OHSS or anything IUI related and that I should be fine to check with the fertility nurse on day 11. My back got worse, definately a pulled muscle right at the bottom of my back. It hurt to stand, to sit and to lie down so I didn’t sleep and went into day 11s scan in pain. I also took what would turn out to be the last FSH shot of this IUI

Day 11 and my back felt a bit better but the lack of sleep and slow walking caused me to have to call in sick. I probably could have gone to work, unable to do any of the manual side of my job and sitting in an uncomfortable chair (not that any chair was comfortable). I’m sorry but I’m just not happy to put extra stress on myself this month. Luckily my bosses are pretty understanding.

I got the bus to the hospital which from home I don’t usually do but I could not walk that far. I got there really early and sat watching as another couple went in for their first scan of a cycle. I’ve no idea if it was their first cycle but they’re still my potential week away mirrors, wondering if either of us will have this cycle work, wondering if we’ll see each other again at scans or classes or the maternity ward. Or the next time we both do this again because there are no guarantees for anyone.

My final follicular scan, which, by the way, is done from an ultrasound internally and not on top of your belly like pregnancy ultrasounds, showed three were ready and that my uterus lining was thick enough. The guidelines in my local NHS trust is to have ovitrelle (ovulation stimulator) 36 hours before the planned insemination. It was decided and booked in for us to have the insemination on day 14 at 11am (day 14 or 12 is my usual ovulation day) so 36 hours before that – day 12 10pm – I give myself the biggest injection of all.

The nurse had told me that everyone gets the same amount of ovitrelle no matter how well they respond to the other hormones (she was very pleased with how little puregon/FSH I’d needed). She also warned me that because its far more liquid than any of the puregon injections it can sting more.

I spent day 12 relatively calm and enjoying the weather but then completely freaked when it came to taking my injection. I’d found the puregon pen odd when injecting because it clicks back down each stop. Syringes, needles and pipettes I’m used to are fluid in their motion and not clicky so I, personally didn’t like it. I was worried because the ovitrelle pen is far more liquid with far more clicks. So I sat there panicking that it was going to sting more, that there was a greater risk of “suck back” (releasing the plunger while in you and sucking your insides out) and that then I’d have huge amounts of hCG in my system.

Finally I plucked up the courage to pinch my inch beneath the belly button and put the needle in. And I encountered the first real problem. The needle was thicker than all those used on the puregon pen. It was harder to put into me. The puregon needles slipped in but the ovitrelle needle was tougher. Or my skin had toughened up!

Then I start pressing the plunger and panic over because it wasn’t as clicky as the puregon pen; it slid down and the drug slipped in. It was fine. With no stinging either!

I counted to ten with the needle still in and plunger depressed (same as with the puregon pen) before pulling it out. The needle was tougher to get in me and it was tougher to get out too which was the last straw for me. Feeling it was different and seeing my skin looked different I panicked and started crying before seeing there was a drip of fluid on the tip of the needle and two lines of blood across my tummy near the site.

I just sobbed as my husband put a tissue to my site, freaking that the blood lines were underneath the skin showing the route of the drug and that a tiny drop of the drug was not inside me. Probably it was just the emotions of all of this, the fear that it still might not work, that my body just might be able to get pregnant because one drop of the liquid will be much and the blood wiped off so wasn’t some sign of internal bleeding although I still don’t know where it came from.

It didn’t take long for me to stop crying and then the insomnia started.

I didn’t sleep at all, all night long. It was awful. But I tried to keep calm so my body didn’t get all stressed. There’s all far too much to think could go wrong, any small thing that I do could stop this all from working.

And now I have to wait for the insemination part!

I vaguely remember when sex used to be fun.

~ Persephone M

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  1. February 19th, 2013

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