The Downhill Slope

I get really annoyed about people who keep telling me that I’m getting old and that it’s all downhill from here. I never used to have a problem with ageing.

I loved turning 18 and having ID. In fact I loved it more when I hit 20/21 and I actually liked drinking and going out. It hasn’t happened in a while but I still panic about being IDed when trying to buy alcohol. I think it’s because I’m about to turn 30, the first milestone in 9 years and everyone loves their 21st. It’s that my body already feels like it is failing so the joking comments of getting older and it’s all downhill from here, aren’t really that funny.

I’ve always considered myself generally healthy. I like naughty foods but I’ve always managed to be on the slimmer side of obese. People would still say I am,but there’s been a definite weight gain the past 6 months or so. That could simply be due to having surgery which put exercise out of the equation and eating more junk food than normal. Whilst maintaining my weight has never been a huge problem, losing weight is impossible.

So I’ve gone up a dress size and then of course there’s the whole fertility thing. I don’t want to call myself infertile because there’s no reason that I am and I feel like I shouldn’t be grouped with people who are infertile with reasons. Mine doesn’t feel as important or significant or mean as much because there is nothing wrong with me. And if there isn’t anything wrong with me, my body isn’t failing me, right?

But its still my body that can’t get pregnant. And getting older isn’t going to help.

So when people I know joke about it all being downhill from here, thanks but I can’t go much further down. And for those that joke about it all that openly know about my fertility issues (because some of the commenters are merely acquaintainces) well I really wish they could learn some common sense and realise that words can hurt.

This is probably my most anxious birthday and I don’t want to be all precious about it,but I am getting old and my body already can’t do thinks it should be able to and it isn’t going sort itself out with increasing age or get better with age. I’m not a fine wine. I’m the pink spotted mouldy dairylea I found in my fridge thie.morning.

~Persephone M

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