A Realisation of Peace

I read a post a few weeks back by the Stork Whisperer and it really stuck in my mind. She’s on over 30 cycles, 33 she said, and she questioned how for all of those cycles she had questioned God and asked him to answer her prayers. It has become clear to her that He has been responding. Every cycle. And she seemed, in her blog, a bit despondent but perhaps realistic. She had no idea what the next step really is or how move on, maybe.

What I have taken from that, being on about 33 cycles (mine are all unassisted so far), is a realisation. Now it may only be a realisation until the inevitable hormonal drop, but right now it’s as if that blog helped me have an epiphany of sorts. It may not have been her intention, it may bring her no relief, but nonetheless her blog has helped me

I’m not overtly religious. I like to think that there’s something out there, but I have no idea what. I don’t pray. I like to think that,if there is someone in control, he’s already made the plan so there’s nothing to pray for. I guess it’s what others call fate.

My life and my future is all already decided and it hasn’t yet been time for me to have a child. Maybe it just is not in my future. Or maybe it is but it’s all already decided. The Stork’s realisation that God has been answering her pleas, just not with the answer she wanted, has made me realise that there is nothing I can do any differently; my fate and future is already decided.

So right now I feel calm, all epiphanised and relaxed, living my life without the overhanging feeling of failure and expectations.

But whether that feeling and peace will last, only the hormones can decide!

~ Persephone M

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