The Anticipation of Luck

For a lot of people, their period being late fills them with either excited anticipation or fearful dread. Because, let’s face it, you either wanted/planned/expected to get pregnant or you didn’t. I guess there are plenty of people who have a mixture because I guess as exciting as it would be to consider being pregnant, holy cow that means there’s a freaking life I need to be responsible for!

Or then there’s those that might be like me.

I’m planning, hoping, expecting, wanting to get pregnant, yet I don’t get excited. My mantra to try and stop the heartbreak when another period inevitably starts is “I’m not lucky enough” and even though my heart does always break, I honestly don’t get excited because I’m not lucky enough.

Is it really true that when you get pregnant you know you’re pregnant, like right away? Because surely that doesn’t work when you’ve been trying for so long because there are such high hopes every single month.

If everything goes to plan on Monday, I have surgery booked for Wendesday. I only got put on the waiting list less than two weeks ago, so I’m loving that time frame. Internally, I still have issues with the possibly treatments after this surgery. Something seems wrong when I think about the artificial routes, but I know it isn’t wrong. I’m not too sure what I want the surgery to find – that there’s nothing wrong, or that there is and an artificial route is needed.

Which one’s luckier?

~PersephoneM

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