Protecting A Heart

As I said in an earlier poem, I don’t often go publicly melodramatic.

Don’t get me wrong, I can be incredibly melodramatic. My husband, mother, closest friends – they will agree with this.

I guess I do actually do it publicly when it comes to this blog, but often I uncheck the box which publicises it immediately on facebook. What I don’t tend to do is put it out there on my FB status.

There’s something I just don’t like about it. I guess it falls into part of the same problem with making happy announcements on FB. Happy things and sad things, I just don’t think they’re for statuses. They’re for messages, they’re for phonecalls.

Today appears to be an exception to my rule.

Today I want to give up.

On day one of every month, I want to cry, I want to give up. I feel my heartbreak and my life mean nothing. Again. Until the hormones pass and the next day I feel fine.

Except this month that feeling hasn’t really passed.

Or maybe it did and then came back when I heard the eternally awful setence from someone else’s lips: I’m pregnant.

Honestly, I can’t do this anymore. But I have no idea how to stop trying, how to stop wanting, caring, hoping. I need to give up before I lose myself, before my heart is unmendable.

I just have no idea how.

~ Persephone M

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    • DNatica
    • January 26th, 2012

    Stay strong. We’re always here for you to vent to! Remember, everything you have and don’t have is what makes you you and you’re wonderful.

  1. I think a lot of us are going through these rough patches. It is very hard to stop wanting something so badly. I don’t have much advice to offer as I would love to just get on with my life as well, but don’t remember how to do that. Best of luck to you.

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