Tears and Tantrums

I haven’t posted since Friday! Possibly because I’ve spent the past few days in the middle of a lot of tears and quite a few tantrums.

In fact at this very minute there is one four year foster child screaming from the hallway. I’m going to assume it’s because they want their dinner, well my mum’s cooking it. Or it’s because the eldest only wants to play with the youngest’s toys. Well, they do have their own. Or it’s simply because they want to!

The fosters returned on Saturday from my mum having a week’s respite and things seemed okay. The three year old was, and still is, very quiet and far more cuddly than normal. But before the end of the day they had returned to at least the odd temper tantrum.

Meanwhile, I spent Saturday pretty much crying hysterically. Including at work. In the middle of a corridor with everyone walking past. My few days with no emotions soon altered when the floodgates opened. The entire evening consisted of me crying. And crying.

With an argument inserted with my husband. And then more crying.

Saturday I seemed to be doing fine, until the fosters returned and then it was their tears!

The three year old cried when the older sibling declared that this wasn’t their home. It took reassurement from me, my husband and my mum before the 3 year old calmed.

Then there were the tears over wanting to eat a biscuit in the living room. And all the tears when we took the youngest shopping and they wanted to go home and watch tele. They both seemed to lose all grasp of time with regards to later and the youngest especially seemed as if later meant never.

But then after a few days in respite and asking for my mum, they were probably told later and seven days later that became never to them.

Two days into the normal school/nursery routine and the fosters seem fine. Despite my lack of emotions, after they hit me full whack I seemed to be down and emotional for far longer than normal. I think that’s why I haven’t had the inclination to post anything on here. It should have been easy – post a photo. I even had a photo challenge that I’d wanted to post.

I just couldn’t be bothered.

Friday and Saturday I couldn’t even be bothered to turn on my laptop. Although Sunday I got lots of writing done which rolled over onto yesterday, too. And so I neglected this blog and I won’t even attempt to blame writing, the fosters or social life. Nope, it was simply my hormones making me incredibly lethargic, dejected and downright beaten.

I’m not sure that my hysteria was helped when I had to walk into a room where someone was teaching ovulation to a class, highlighting over and over how long a woman is fertile for and when they’re fertile. Yes, okay, I get it! I don’t need it rubbing in. Or when I turned on the TV to a random One Tree Hill episode where a woman told she’d never have children, reveals she’s pregnant. Or the episode of How I Met Your Mother that was then on the next day where, after trying, a couple gets pregnant. Really don’t need it rubbing in!

I’m perking back up, becoming the normal me, and I’m accompanied by the usual chants in my head of: stay calm this month.

Yeah, okay then.

~ Persephone x

  1. So sorry for your breakdowns. You are definitely not alone. A woman’s hormones vary so much within a month, that you never know what to expect. Of course, the added stress of TTC can make it seem unbearable. Take care!

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