Petty or Perfectly Plausible?

According to an online dictionary, the word petty is described as “Marked by narrowness of mind, ideas or views” or “Of small importance, trivial” or “Marked by meanness or lack of generosity, especially in trifling matters” and “Secondary in importance or rank”. And it got me thinking that being petty is incredibly subjective.

Let me paint the background: I was invited to a Christmas party of a friend that I really did want to attend, and had every intention of attending, until it got closer to the date. Then two things hit me.

One was the fact that it was going to be day 17 of my month, and my life is currently ruled by the days of the month.

Second thing was that the friend in question has lots of friends with children.

So I didn’t go. I gave some lame excuse and didn’t go. Was I petty? Was it my own narrowness of mind, to put something as trivial as other parents and last fertile day before my friend’s party? Or is their issue with me not going their own meanness and lack of generosity?

That’s where I argue that the desriptive word “petty” is totally subjective.

To me, being around other parents, people who beat me in a race I’ve yet to finish, is terrible. I hate it. It depresses me. Why should I ever subject myself to that? Maybe I should learn to cope with it, but I’m not yet. And why should I subject myself to it on the final fertile day of this month, of this year? I can honestly think of nothing much worse than sitting there as I know it’s my last chance and have everyone else discuss their children.

But then, on the other hand, for my friend I simply gave a lame excuse and she is well within her rights to believe the truth was something petty and small. She could easily think I’m the one being mean, narrowminded and uncaring for choosing some lame excuse for not turning up. Or perhaps, to other people, my reasons are trivial and my decision was petty.

Unfortunately, I don’t see how anyone would understand my real reasons so I don’t give them. Has anyone ever cancelled on you because it’s one of their fertile days and they feel uncomfortable around parents? No, because it sounds so incredibly lame and stupid. It was awful last year, I remember the awkwardness in the room with all of her friends and I couldn’t wait to get out of there. Harsh, silly and crazy, but true.

Since expanding this blog to delve more into my issues and the whole conceiving thing, I have found and read some amazing blogs that show me that I am by far alone and crazy in my thoughts. Thank you to Still Counting Stars which had a post that actually made me cry. But none of that means I have the courage to actually say these things out loud to my friends or that I’m able to get over the harsh, silly, crazy elements within me.

At some point, I’m going to have to come to terms with things, or avoid my friend every year when she throws a Christmas party. And it’s only going to get worse. How long before it spreads to family events?

Should I be honest? Should I continue feeling awful for the lame excuse and not being able to get over my own inadequacy to celebrate with her? Or should I just continue hiding?

~ Persephone M

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  1. I think it was the right choice not to go to the party. Parties are meant for fun and you wouldn’t have had fun. People should not be upset with others for not wanting to feel awkward and unpleasant.

    I don’t think you need to be honest with everyone, but maybe your friend who invited you. Take your friend out to a Christmas lunch or dinner and spend time with her that way. If she’s a good friend she’ll try to understand and it might make you feel better to talk about it.

    Happy holidays!

    • Thank you. It’s just so difficult, because if I’m having problems saying this stuff then I can’t get advice from other friends! It’s really good advice to spend other time with her – thanks! Merry Christmas to you, too!

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