And now my boss hates me

For two or three days a month, I become a completely different person. Usually, I am hyper and bubbly, crazy in a fun and somewhat annoying manner. I am, unfortunately, the cliched “woman”.

It really isn’t that simple, and I don’t mean because half the population don’t understand what it is to be a woman. What I mean is that, those three days are not filled with a moody, grumpy me simply because of an imbalance of hormones. Don’t get me wrong, I am moody and grumpy, sluggish because of the pain and trying my hardest to not cry because it’s only a natural thing, for crying out loud.

Nope, over the past two years, my monthly “friend” (oh, she is so not my friend) has made me a far more sullen and tearful person than I have ever been before. In one simple sentence it’s because for those three days I am a complete and utter failure.

Yep, not only do I suffer from the hormonal instability, that same instability makes me fully believe that I am a useless human being. It’s irrational, but I calm down when the days are over and the hormones balance out. Seriously though (because I’m in those days so am irrational right now), what kind of a human being am I if I can’t even reproduce? Is that not the sole person of every single living creature on the planet?

I was reading an article on the BBC News Site about defining middle age and that no other animal has a “middle age”, but that possibly humans have it to pass on their culture. Of course by the mid-forties women at least can no longer reproduce, when animals get to this kind of age well there’s not much point to being alive anymore. We humans get to live a bit longer to pass on our art, our literature, etc.

So, not only do I have a finite time scale to be useful, but if I keep being a failure then there truly is no point to me. If I can’t pass on my genetics, then I can’t pass on my culture, and I exist to… what exactly?

Meanwhile, each month when the down moods hit because my stomach hurts, because I feel tired and hot for no reason, because I’m a pointless person, I sit there grumpy and wind my boss up to no end.

Today, presumably because of my mood, my boss seemed to stop talking to me and got grumpy back. Now, I’m useless because I can’t reproduce, can’t create life and because I upset my boss.

I need a hug!

~Persephone M.

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  1. You are never a useless person. Every word you say, everything you do (including post this!) has a point. Maybe someone who feels the same as you will read this and it’ll make her feel better because she’s not alone. And I’m sure you brighten peoples’ days all the time when you are your bubbly self. Maybe these are the days when other people are supposed to make your day. (So they, too, can have a purpose =] )

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