Envy

Of you, I am jealous and I cannot help it.
If only I could climb higher,
Elevating myself above petty emotions.
Underneath my sunny disposition,
At the very core, I am jealous.
 
Unlike others, there is no flaunting from you.
Of course not, you have class,
Although that does little to change my mind.
Even with reasoning, I still find it hard,
In case you hadn’t realised you have something I covet.
 
Eventually I may get over it, joining you in the club.
Until then, you have to be hidden,
And believe me, it pains me to do so.
I cannot bring myself to the constant ache,
Occurring when you post another milestone in his life.
 
It’s not your fault that you have been luckier.
Enough is enough for me,
Only I cannot end my pain by desire alone.
All I can do is hide away from you,
Unless my body complies with my heart.
 
According to the statistics, it can still happen.
It surrounds me all the time,
Opening my eyes to everyone else’s joy.
Un-bind my internal struggle to not feel bitter,
Envy is ugly. I’m hidden under layers of make-up.
 
Through which you cannot see.

© PersephoneM 27th July 2011

Note: Sometimes you cannot help how you feel deep inside and you have to do things that seem petty or childish just to cope. I want to apologise for who I am, but it is who I am so perhaps an apology is misguided.

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