Poem: Unknown

I’m gearing myself for a fight, preparing to give all I have,
I’ve sorted out my arguments, planned my punches one by one.
I’m not a little girl anymore, who’ll take what you say,
I don’t need your approval, your love, or you.
Things have changed in five years. I’ve changed. Have you?
One word out of line, one foot out of step,
I’ll use my words, fists and feet.
You failed me all my life and you only had one function,
So many negatives to list yet only one positive for me.

You taught me how to fight, to close my hand with covering thumb,
You push me, fail me, make one tear form – you’ll become my student.
You said you don’t can’t for money, that you want her help,
You describe your frustration yet you have no respect for her.
She’s the one he chose to spend his life with,
She is the one who still mourns him every day.
She’s the lady who did nothing but try with you,
And you’ve never shown an ounce of respect.

You doubt he treated us the same, that you closed everything out,
You believe you were alone, that you couldn’t talk, couldn’t cry.
Welcome to my world, Big Brother.

Twenty years old and no one, not allowed to talk, not able to cry,
Forced to be strong and silent through their pain.
I didn’t even have an older brother to look up to.

I’m red inside and boiling over into blue rivers down my cheeks,
I’m scared, I’m fearful and I’m still alone.
But I’m not sure I need you.

You needed answers, needed to know what he thought of you,
For answers you need me, but will it do any good?
Whatever he thought then, what do you think he’d feel now?
No respect, no love, just excuses a-plenty.
Who am I doing this for? You, me or him?
Can I give you your redemption? Give something to swell his pride?
Or will it just hurt the one thing he feared the most?
I won’t let him down.
I’m not you.

© PersephoneM 2008

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