That’s what friends are for!

Okay, so there was bad news yesterday and I’m trying my damned hardest to not go online and complain, to bad mouth those involved and inevitably, in the long run, get myself into trouble. Instead, I am attempting to keep jovial about it, to simply pretend as if it doesn’t matter and that it is not affecting me. Of course that is completely false. Of course it is affecting me. Of course I cannot stop thinking, worrying, fearing, but it’s my problem not everyone elses. So I will continue to try my utter utmost to not say a bad word about those involved, either because I am above that or simply because I have an element of professionalism within my character. Who know’s which it really is and I’m sure at some point I will crack and the outer facade that hides the inner turmoil will falter in front of someone I would rather it not. I believe my smile this morning was described as “the fakest smile ever”, but what else am I supposed to do? One day, I may end up blubbering hysterically at whatever poor random sod that walks past or makes the fatal mistake of asking the simple question: You alright? I apologise now to whomever that sod ends up being.

What I will complain about is those that call themselves friends. The problem arises when someone you consider as a good friend, someone with whom you would share things, that you would turn to for comfort no matter how infrequently you ever open up, and they don’t notice a damn thing and completely blow you out. In my book, that warrants deletion and from every single aspect of my life. I’m not too good giving second chances when something is important enough to cause me to need someone. Friends should be there for you, no matter what and no matter in what capability.

I also don’t often give second chances when it isn’t me who needs someone, but someone about whom I care deeply and they are let down by a friend. Especially as I know, not only the pain through which they are currently going, but also how it feels to have your friends ignore you when you need them. My pain is collateral damage and yet I have friends rallying around me and telling me they love me, yet the person who needs it most doesn’t get that lucky. I know from experience what happens when someone emotionally lets you down after seven years of friendship and I would wish it on no one.

Rant over, at the end of the day, we will all get over it, no matter how much it changes our lives. A large part of that will be because of all those people who love me and that I do truly call friends.

~PersephoneM x

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